Our Biggest Wedding Lessons For Couples
When we have our initial meetings with future brides & wedding clients, there's SO much we want to bring up. Especially when most of our clients are new to the wedding scene. Not only have we been to many, many weddings as guests throughout our lives, but also witnessed countless entire wedding days from the perspective of the photographer. We know firsthand how important some aspects of the day can end up being - and a few of them are things most newly engaged couples don't know. Here are some of the top lessons we've learned, or that our couples have learned, in the years of weddings we've been a part of.
venue is EVERYthing
The advice we give to couples is to get your venue in place as soon as possible. Not only is it important to get the location, service, and catering options you want, it affects every part of your day. A great venue can reduce the amount you have to spend on decorations, lighting, seating, and much more. From the photography point of view, it also makes EVERY photo that much better. And it doesn't have to cost a lot of money - we've been to plenty of weddings at state parks or community lodges that are stunning. (The ceremony venue of the image above was free! They were allowed an hour spot if they just booked in advance.)
the off-season is the new in-season
When trying to save money, go off-season. Our absolute favorite weddings are in late October & early November because of the gorgeous foliage - barely any decoration needed. Off season weddings are always more unique, less sweltering hot, and will save you money on many types of vendors.
elopements are the dreamiest
Can't afford a destination wedding? Consider an elopement, and then have a big party later locally. With an elopement, you can wear a dream dress, head to a dream location, and just include your closest loved ones. We love elopements because they're like a honeymoon in advance. Then when you're ready to have a big wedding party, there's a lot less pressure on you, and you can fully enjoy your day with all your friends and family.
similarly, the smaller the party, the better
One of the biggest regrets we hear from couples is that their wedding day went by too fast - like a blur that they felt like they barely experienced. We always recommend a smaller guest list. Not only is it more affordable (another regret we sometimes hear), but you get to actually spend time with the people you love, and there's a lot less time just quickly greeting people as you head to the next table.
preparation can make or break a wedding day
Use planning apps like The Knot or Wedding Wire. Utilize Pinterest for discovering new ideas and planning out colors, moods, and decor. Find vendors who have experienced wedding days and can anticipate issues before they come up. (A great question to ask them when you first meet: what was the most disastrous event you've worked? How did you work through it?) The sooner you plan, the better. We give our clients a full array of lists to work through and get everything sorted before the big day, so both they and us know what they want shot specifically. We keep a shot list with us throughout the day, but also go over the timeline multiple times before the day of. We also recommend a packing list and prep list to make sure everything is together.
have an emergency kit on hand
We've seen it all, or at least a lot of weird situations happen on wedding days. Here are a few of our favorite suggestions to include in your bag in the hotel:
sewing kit
bobby pins
small can of hair spray
hair ties
water bottle
touch up makeup: highlighter, mascara, lipgloss/lipstick, makeup wipes
deodorant
band aids
bug spray & sun screen
emergency snacks, like granola bars or fruit snacks
tampons/pads/diva cup
pain meds - someone always gets a headache on a wedding day!
mints/gum/breath freshener
communication is key with ALL vendors
It's crucial for your vendors to know what you're looking for, and what they're providing you. One great example of miscommunication was at a friend's wedding a few years ago, where they spent a fortune on a 10-tier wedding cake. Each layer was a different amazing flavor combination, and the father of the bride bought it specifically so people could pick their favorite flavor. Somehow, the cake vendor didn't communicate that to the catering team, and just one single layer was cut and brought out to each table, rather than each layer cut and put on a buffet table. Nine tiers of different cake, all boxed up as leftovers - a truly sad tale of miscommunication. Be clear about your expectations, and find vendors who take you through these things step by step.
have a designated helper on your wedding day
Especially in a big wedding, it's so beneficial to have someone help bring things together on a wedding day. If you can't afford a wedding planner, your best bet is to have everything planned out well in advance, and bring print-outs for the day of. We think it's well worth the money for big weddings to have a day-of coordinator (a service wedding planners offer) just to keep things running smoothly. We've been to a couple of weddings where the bridal party didn't know where to go between photos and their entrances to the reception, or that catering showed up to the wrong entrance and got in late - a day-of coordinator takes the pressure and stress off of you and your family members, and good ones have a lot of experience that will prevent (most) any mishaps from occurring in the first place.
From our perspective, there are certain points of the day where we ask couples to designate a family member as a VIP to help things run super smoothly. These are usually a Maid of Honor, or mother of the bride or groom - anyone who knows a lot of guests and can be a boss! When we're shooting family & big group shots, we don't know who everyone is in a shot, even with a detailed shot list - but a VIP would know if Uncle Bob is missing, and where to find him, too. These friends and family can be so helpful in making shoots go faster, so that guests can get to cocktail hour that much faster. :)
get an announcer
This can depend on the size of your wedding, but this is essential for every single type of wedding, whether backyard or giant seaside bash. Usually this role is played by a DJ, but can be anyone with an authoritative voice - someone to tell everyone what's happening, or what they should prepare for. Is it time for speeches? Are we doing a sparkler sendoff right now? Oh, cake cutting is happening right now...? We've been to a few weddings where this wasn't there, and it just felt awkward for guests and confusing for the bridal party and core family.
go screen-free for at LEAST your ceremony
Only a handful of weddings have done this, but we want to be an advocate for everyone to go screen-free, at least for the ceremony! This is a multi-issue problem. From our perspective, not only do people with phones (and tablets, and big cameras) literally get in the way of us getting "the" shot during crucial moments that can never be gotten back - like a first kiss or ring exchange - but then, all the photos you receive will just be of tablets and phones in front of your loved ones' faces, instead of their emotions and expressions during such an emotional time of the day. And, think of how dated the photos will look in 50 years, just how a brick cell phone instantly dates a 90's TV show. It's just not a good look. (These problems also go for first dances, family photos, and cake cuttings, too!) From a guest's perspective, devices are distracting, sometimes loud, and take us out of the moment. AND the photos and video they'll get out of it won't even be great quality in the end anyway. We are specifically there to get incredible photos - your guests should be having fun and mingling, not trying to get photos on their ancient Android phone.
But devices are a drain throughout the entire day, not just the ceremony. There are definitely people who need their phone on them, for sure. But in the past year or so, we've found that receptions just have so much less to photograph, because a LOT of people are sitting at their tables on their phones instead of having fun talking with others or dancing. It's something to consider, and look into more - here are a couple of resources on unplugged weddings:
get your most important photos at golden hour
We've shot many weddings that were outside, in the open, at high noon, in full sun. Even with the best photographer, with perfect editing, it might not match up to the idea you have in your head for ideal photos. (And if you're getting married in the summer, be prepared for shots of squinting guests with sweaty skin! Not fun for anyone!) To get that glowing, warm, magical look - try to set up your timeline so that your ceremony, family shots, and portraits will fall an hour or two before sunset if possible. If you can't change your timeline, work with your venue to get in the shade or under some kind of cover.
string lights make every photo sparkle
Every wedding can benefit from better lighting. It's one of the biggest tips we can give couples who are looking for a feeling of magic in their day. Most venues are underlit, or have dated lighting. We recommend getting string lighting and if possible, adding it to your venue space, whether sunset ceremony or all-night reception. Similarly, make sure to get a DJ that brings their own lighting - even if your venue says they'll have lights! You will most often not get the party lighting atmosphere you're looking for without the help of your DJ, so be sure to ask them about lighting options.
first looks can be a sanity saver
All the weddings where we've done a "first look" have been infinitely less stressful, and the timeline becomes more flexible because of it. For these, we usually do the first look within the first half hour of when we arrive - where we set up a scene so the couple can see each other before the ceremony and we can capture their reactions purely and beautifully, without any phones or bad lighting out of our control in the way. This allows us, after the first look, to do all of their portraits, family photos, and bridal party shots, before most any of the guests arrive. This is a great solution for couples who want to fully enjoy their cocktail hour, rather than take photos during that one-hour chunk between the ceremony and reception.
Some reservations about this is that couples don't want to ruin the surprise of seeing each other for the first time walking down the aisle. But we think, especially for nervous couples, it can be a life saver. You get that pressure out of the way so you can really enjoy yourselves when you're exchanging vows. (And likely get a lot of tears out of the way, too!) And in our experience, it's still emotional and a life-changing moment to walk down the aisle, whether you've seen each other or not.
preparation & separation are the key to the best couple’s portraits
We always want our wedding clients to do engagement shoots with us, because it makes the wedding day photos even better. Without the engagement session, the only time we get to meet is usually our initial meeting, so it's hard to get a perfect grasp on each others' personalities. The engagement session is an incredible way to get to know each other, and see how we work together. It's super helpful for us to see if you're a more conservative, no-PDA type of couple, or the type who loves lots of poses and isn't afraid to get messy. And, especially if you're not used to being photographed, it's a good way for you to see what the process is like and reduce any anxiety about it. Then, when the wedding day comes, you'll already be primed on what shooting looks like with us, and it comes so much more naturally.
Then, when it comes to the actual wedding day, at one point during the day, we take portraits of the couple where it's just the two of them - often during the cocktail hour, or at sunset. We like to take them away from the big crowd, specifically because it takes pressure off, and it's a lot more intimate. We've had a few experiences where family was egging them on to kiss every second, making them uncomfortable and stiff on camera. When it's just us, we can all be more free to get those dreamy shots, without any hecklers or stress behind us.
getting ready, candids, & details are the glue that holds the story of your day together
We often get clients who just want portraits - but the real magic glue of a wedding day is those in-between moments. Our perspective on shooting weddings is storytelling - so, showing what it was like to be there throughout the whole day, from sipping mimosas and cracking jokes while getting makeup on, all the way to extra rowdy dads doing Tik Tok dances at 11PM. We revel in, and specialize in, these little moments, and they turn a collection of fake smiling cheesy portraits into a true retelling of the entire experience, full-body laughing, emotional embraces and all.
When it comes down to it, your photographs are the only thing you'll really have to relive your entire big day for the rest of your life. Showing a story, not just a few posed shots, is at the core of what we do, and we think you'll love it too.
What are some other important overlooked elements to a wedding day that we missed?