2018, A Year in Review
It’s hard to describe the past year using only one word. I honestly don’t know how some people can narrow it down like that. It seems though that “change” and “growth” are the top two words that are used when reviewing times in the past, as well as when looking forward to the future. Rightfully so, because all we can do is change over the passage of time. And during that time, we can only try and hope that we grow a little on the way.
This year was no exception to me. I started out the year with no job, yet making plans to go have an extended visit with my husband before he deployed at the beginning of the summer. So I drove out to California (with the help of my dad) and stayed out in California for about a month and a half. During that time I explored my soon-to-be permanent surroundings. I took some pictures and made some friends along the way. When my stay was over, I drove back to NY by myself. Let me tell you, if you ever are in need of some soul-searching, a solo road trip will definitely do the trick! On my journey back, I visited friends and did anything I could think of—everything from zip-lining across the Grand Canyon, to skiing for the first time ever in Colorado (and then crashing into a tree and going to the hospital, thanks skiing).
When I returned home I stayed with my grandma for a few months while she was recovering from hip surgery. I was also preparing for my best friends baby shower, maternity pictures, and birth pictures. Somehow amidst the chaos, Cara and I managed to launch a website, create a joint Instagram account, and make our informal partnership an official business. To mark the occasion, we did a few styled sessions before I visited California again. This time, I brought Matthew back home for his pre-deployment leave. We went camping while he was home, and Cara did a one year anniversary session for us. The next thing I know, his short 10 days were over, and we were on our way back to Cali to see him off.
After I got back to New York, the first thing my parents asked was if I was going to get a part time job. Of course I didn’t want to, and I knew if I did I wouldn’t have the urgency to work on my new business and getting clients. But I had hospital and ambulance bills to pay (thanks again skiing). And I needed a new car. So, trying to balance out both, I only worked Monday-Thursday leaving Friday-Sunday open for any possible photo shoots and events. I photographed two weddings, plus some senior sessions, and a few creative projects for myself during the summer months.
I managed to keep that balance going into the fall. I photographed two more weddings in October—one of them being my first solo wedding! I also got to work with a few families, a corporate event, and one last creative session before getting ready to move. But “balance” is too nice of a word, and I’m not a balanced person. I will fully admit that I didn’t push myself to get my worked turned around as quickly as I knew I could. I kept coming up with excuses for my lack of effort. It was a combination of a few things though that lead me to this. The part time job, because standing for 8 hours straight in a hot factory warehouse will make anyone exhausted. It left me drained and as soon as I’d get home I would want to just shower, and then after I’d get out of the shower I would just want to got to sleep. Getting more clients was great, but if you never finished your previous work while also taking on more work, it doesn’t leave you with enough time to get to the new work.
All of that left me feeling overwhelmed. And when I get overwhelmed, my body takes a beating physically and mentally. So my solution? “Just take it easy”, “I’ll do it tomorrow”, “I’ll finish it this weekend”, “I deserve a nice break”, etc. I wanted to just make it all go away. And then whenever I’d look onto social media to get inspired, it would do the opposite and make me feel worthless, that my work would never be that good. So yea, let’s mix in some depression into all of those things that left me not wanting to edit or put in any effort into growing my photography business, this blog, or my social media.
Writing this post has forced me to review what I’ve done this year. I wouldn’t say that I’ve “grown” or “changed”. If anything, I feel like I’ve regressed. I’ve fallen back into some bad habits that affected my physical and mental health, I didn’t put my happiness or goals first. BUT I did learn how to edit better. And comparing my work to 2017, I’ve grown a lot as far as composition goes, and how to be more loose with posing. With each session and event that I had, I was more relaxed and made better connections with my clients.
So yea, I didn’t have the best year as far as quantity, but my quality is better. And yes I did get a part time job, but it took getting one to realize how much time I really do need to be able to put in all of the effort I need to grow my photography skills and market myself.
This upcoming year is going to be dealing with a great deal of change. I’ll be moving to California, traveling to different parts of the world, and trying to focus on my photography. To do these things, I will need a great deal of focus, discipline, and passion. Oh and organization!
It sounds like a lot that will be going on, and it will be. And with all of that stuff going on, it’s going to be so easy to just go through the motions—to let myself be overwhelmed and give up. But I don’t want to give up. I know I’ve been nervous and whiny lately about these changes. And that is all going to change. I’m going to go running with my head upright and focused on what’s ahead of me. I want to give 110% with everything I do this year. I really don’t want to look back and look at all the time I’ve wasted because I was pressured to settle for other people’s standards, or because I was constantly comparing myself and thinking “I’ll never be good enough, I should just quit while I’m ahead”.
I want to make a change. I want to make a difference. And that starts today. Even if it’s just a small thing I accomplish one day at a time, it will all add up. After all, “Great things are done by a series of small things brought together”.